I'll Tell You What...

Bon Jovi Wants…You!

howler925 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:53:07 +0000

I’ll tell you what…Band-solicited videos are all the rage these days, and Bon Jovi is the latest group to get in on the interactive action.

The premise: Make a video stating why you love your hometown and upload it here. The winning clips will appear during the band’s world tour on a gigantic screen.

Go. Make your Colorado city proud!

Lost Without Lost

howler925 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 23:15:37 +0000

I’ll tell you what…I was seriously lost without Lost. Not my favorite show, but I really like the mystery of it all. The writing (most of the time) on the show is great. I’ll say it again. I like the WRITING on the show. I hear the big strike may be over–and the angels sang! The current crop of reality tv is laughable. Dance Wars? I honestly don’t know who any of those people are. My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad? We’ve officially run out of ideas. Paradise Hotel 2? Ok, I might be watching that one. Don’t judge me. A little reality can be a good thing.

I found this link the other day. If you watch Lost, you’ll dig it.

–Sticks (Howler)

http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/index?pn=nickname&loc=interstitialskip

I’m a total Cake-Eater!

howler925 — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:52:28 +0000

I’ll tell you what…the wedding is really starting to come together. In fact, I’d say we’re ahead of the game. Ceremony and Reception location: check. Bridal Party: check. Mandy’s dress: check. The Pastor: check. Deejay: check. Rings: check.

We still have to book the photographer, florist and figure out who’s doing the cake. Cake? Now we’re talkin’! I’ve been told by my already-married male buddies that this will be the highlite of the whole process. We actually get to go to cake tastings? Had I known this, I would have asked Mandy to marry me Months ago. I do loves me some cake! I hope I don’t embarrass Mandy too much by bringing my own bottle of milk to the tastings. Gauche? I don’t think so. You can’t objectively taste cake without an ice-cold glass of milk!

Any suggestions, Wolf listeners? Who does the best wedding cakes in Denver?

Keith Urban PDA!

howler925 — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:10:14 +0000

I’ll tell you what…I was watching coverage of the Australian Open on ESPN2, when all of the sudden….BAM! Keith Urban shows up on my tv. It makes sense. He’s Australian and the biggest thing in that country right now is the Open. What I didn’t expect to see was Keith and his baby’s momma doing everything but open-mouth kissing in the stands. Get a room you two…

Can’t Sleep, The Clowns Will Eat Me!

howler925 — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 02:35:20 +0000

I’ll tell you what…ask anyone who really knows me how much I hate Clowns. Ever since the movie “IT”, I’ve had an embarrasing fear of clowns. Anytime I see Pennywise, I pee my pants a little and forget my name for a few minutes. On one of the many websites I surf to (thanks Best Week Ever), I came across this. It’s HILARIOUS! I just had to share. Enjoy…

The Top 10 Reasons Clowns Are Scary

It’s official: Children hate clowns. A recent study that quizzed 250 children in a pediatric hospital ward found that all 250 of them were afraid of the various clown imagery that decorated the wing. As though terminal illness wasn’t enough. Penny Curtis, a professor who worked on the study, is quoted as saying “We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”

So what is it about clowns that is so damn terrifying? We decided to find out. Hence, we’d like to present Best Week Ever’s Top 10 Things That Make Clowns Scary.

10. Big Feet. You know what they say about men with big feet? They have big tendencies to stab you in the face while you sleep.

9. All Movies Written About Killer Clowns are Probably Based on True Stories. In all seriousness, there was probably at one time or another a heroin-addicted clown named Shakes who was also, strangely, Bob Goldthwait. And what else happens in Derry, Maine if not for a child-killing clown named It? But perhaps no movie was more scarring to the reputation of clowns than the 1988 classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space, a likely true story about puke-inducing alien clowns with pointy teeth and evil eyes who trap their victims in cotton candy cocoons. If ever a movie scarred my small, child brain at the age of 7, it was KK from OS.

8. Grown Men with Freckles Painted on Their Face is Inherently Terrifying. Enough said.

7. Most Clowns Are Alcoholics and Urinate Everywhere. Tell-tale sign number one that most to all clowns are alkies? They have humongous flame red bulbous noses. Tell-tale sign number two that most clowns are probably hitting the sauce with a green-gloved fist? Wouldn’t you bathe in apple-tinis if your entire life was based around living a paint-faced lie? And as far as urinating everywhere is concerned, I’m pretty sure circuses don’t have working toilets for a reason. Luckily, because clowns s*** cotton candy, going number 2 behind a Chevy Pick-up is never really much of a problem.

6. Hyuk Hyuk Laughter. Who laughs like that? Seriously, have you ever heard a normal, mentally sane person emit a laugh that sounds like their starting the engine of a Model T car? No, really, other than Goofy – who is a 6 foot tall animated Disney Dog who wears pants — I’m pretty sure no human being “Hyuk Hyuk”’s their way through an episode of Seinfeld, you read me?

5. They Wear Onesies. What sort of baby-a** infantile diaper-fetish craziness is that all about?

4. Clowns Molest People. If you weren’t aware that clowns molest people, do yourself a favor and add the creepumentary Capturing the Friedmans to you Netflix queue.

3. They Can’t Afford More Than 1 Car. Judging by the clowns mode of transportation — a Volkswagen Bug or Serbian-style two-seater that magically fits the driver and 8,000 of his rainbow-colored pals — it appears that clowns don’t actually earn a real living. They can’t even afford the kind of car homeless stoners drive! Meaning that clowns, for whatever reason, choose to do the devil’s work for pittance. Pittance! Which might go to explain why clowns eat their dinner directly out of the can of baked beans instead of a bowl, and why they sometimes use their hands instead of the classier “wooden spoon”.

2. That Red Paint Around Their Lips? The blood of the elderly. That, or fire-engine red lipstick. Either way, creepskies!

1. John Wayne Gacy, or Clowns Will Kill You and Bury You Under Their House. Killer Klowns from Outer Space aside, John Wayne Gacy is, gigantic inflatable hands down, the scariest thing to ever happen within the clown community. Gacy murdered 33 teenagers in his town and buried 31 of those bodies under his house. And, according to Gacy’s wiki page (Warning: Do not read after 5 PM), “He said he used his clown act as an alter ego, once sardonically saying that ‘A clown can get away with murder.’” (throat clear) A CLOWN CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER!!!

Honorable Mention: Insane Clown Posse. Terrifying, no doubt. But ever since The Arsenio Hall Show, we just can’t take the word “posse” seriously anymore.

Feel free to add your own personal stories about nightmare clowns in the comments. And in unrelated news, I have to go pour bleach into my earholes to erase all the clown thoughts pouring through my brainfolds.

Gracing The Cover…

howler925 — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 03:33:30 +0000

I’ll tell you what…Carrie Underwood is featured on the cover and in the pages of the new issue of Shape magazine:

Red is a good color for her … actually, I don’t think I’ve met a color yet that doesn’t look good on her. She’s so damn purdy … they really know how to grow ‘em in Oklahoma.

Hate To Say It, But I Told You Toe!

howler925 — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 04:13:40 +0000

A new surgery center at St. Mary’s Hospital in San Francisco uses a teamwork approach to complex reconstructive surgeries. Specialists from St. Mary’s and UCSF are partnering to offer state-of-the-art treatment for patients like Garrett La Fever, who lost part of his hand in a woodworking accident.

“The piece I was cutting got bound up in-between fence and popped back and cut my thumb off,” says La Fever. Doctors reattached what was left, but the results were poor.

The thumb is responsible for 40 percent of the function of the hand which is why when doctors proposed removing Garrett’s big toe and using it to create a new thumb.

“I wanted to do it. I was sick of having that thumb and there was an option to get out of it.”

Now, a month and a half after his microvascular surgery, Garrett’s new “thumb” is recovering nicely. “As long as I don’t put this hand near it, It looks like a normal thumb.”

How great would it have been if they would have replaced his thumb with his pinkie toe! Baby hands!

Feel free to outdo each other’s toe-finger-hand puns in this open forum otherwise known as the comments.

What’s The Lesson Here, Kids…

howler925 — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 03:48:38 +0000

I’ll tell you what…A man in Houston was killed in a hunting accident — by his
dog. The man had laid his loaded gun on the back bed of his pickup
truck. The dog stepped on the gun, it fired and the shot went through
the truck’s bed wall and into the man’s leg. He died from loss of
blood.

The lesson learned? Make sure your truck’s bed wall is super thick. Idiot.

Don’t Blink!

howler925 — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 20:43:25 +0000

I’ll tell you what…what I’m about to write makes me sound like I’m stuck inside a Kenny Chesney song. 2007 was a great year! It bagan in March when I started at THE WOLF. I absolutley love it. The people. The Music. The listeners. Everything.

Summer ’07 was a blast. My first Country Jam. Beer and Chili up in Snowmass. Patio dining on a regular basis. Awesome!

The Fall brought a proposal and the best moment of the year. Mandy and I are engaged and getting ready for the big day, September 20th, 2008.

I’m fully expecting 2008 to be the best year of my life. So, I’m taking Kennny’s advice and am going to enjoy every second of 2008. Being engaged and getting married only happens once in a lifetime.

Here’s to a great 2008, ya’ll! Hoooooowwwwwwwllllllll!

–Holwer

A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US!

howler925 — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:54:31 +0000

I’ll tell you what…I am the biggest Seinfeld fan EVER! Pure genius. All of it. The best of the best has to be “The Strike” episode. The episode that introduces us to Festivus. Not a fan? Let me explain…

Festivus is a fictitious holiday created by Frank Costanza. It all started, again, when Kramer heard about this holiday created by Frank years previous and wanted to know about it. Below is the conversation between Kramer and Frank.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must’ve been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

Festivus has 4 basic components to it:

Festivus Pole – A plain aluminum pole is used as this tradition’s only decoration. Frank loves it because of it’s “very high strength to weight ratio.” Unlike the Christmas tree, it has no tinsel, as Frank finds it “distracting.”
Festivus Dinner – This is pretty much a standard meal that is supposed to be very filling comfort food that has no relation to other traditional holiday food. Things like meat loaf and pasta.
The Airing of Grievances – At the dinner table whilst eating, each person let’s everyone know about who has disapointed them that year. “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
The Feats of Strength – The head of the household or Festivus host chooses one person to test their strength against. Festivus isn’t over until someone pins the host to the ground. Festivus law also states that the person chosen can choose to decline the challenge if they have something better to do.

There you have it, the origin and how to go about celebrating this glorious holiday! Festivus is traditionally celebrated on December 23rd, but really can be celebrated anytime due to no specific time constraining rules.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to to give you all a special Festivus gift. It’s a gift that was good enough for George Costanza to give everyone, so it’s my gift to all of you! HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!